Every Time is the Last Time
by forgetablelove
Summary: Hermione felt her heart pounding and felt fear as she wondered if Ron could smell him on her… Warnings: adultery


b Title: /b Every Time is the Last Time

b Author: /b lj user"forgetablelove" 

b Beta: /b lj user"jandjsalmon" (who gets a million plus some thanks)

b Rating: /b PG-13-ish.

b Word count: b 1549 only actually.

b Summary: /b i "Hermione felt her heart pounding and felt fear as she wondered if Ron could smell him on her…" /.i 

b Warnings: /b adultery, hints at sex.

b Disclaimer: /b I own nothing. I made nothing.

b Author's Notes: /b Well, I wish it could have been longer for the recipient, but I truly didn't like anything else I tried to add. It seems so complete to me; the adultery is anonymous and the love and trust from Ron is so complete. I didn't think adding anything would make it better ,but instead lessen the fic. So I hope that the recipient forgives me and likes it as is.

lj-cut text"Every Time is the Last Time" Hermione pulled back the covers and slid into the familiar bed. On instinct, the man already in the bed rolled over and pulled her into his arms. "Hermione," he breathed as he settled against her.

Hermione felt her heart pounding and felt fear as she wondered if Ron could smell him on her. She wondered if he knew where she had been. She felt Ron fall back to sleep a moment later without another word and sighed with relief.

This had been the last time. She wasn't going to hurt him again. She loved Ron, and she wouldn't go back. Never again. Tonight was the last time.

- - - -

Ron yawned. "Hermione?"

Hermione, who was dressing a few feet away, turned to look at him. "What, hun?"

"Where were you last night? I mean, you came back to bed, but you were gone for awhile?" Ron looked at her with both concern and blissful ignorance.

Hermione smiled sadly. "I couldn't sleep, and instead of keeping you awake, I went and read in the living room."

"Oh. Okay," Ron said. He got off the bed and walked over to her. He pulled her into his arms and she leaned back against his chest. "Next time I wouldn't mind if you woke me up. There's plenty we can do."

He leaned down to kiss her neck, and she felt guilt eating at her. She pulled away quickly. She was still afraid that his scent was on her and Ron would notice. "I know you work hard; you deserve your sleep," she tried to reason.

Ron grinned. "But I rather do things with my wife and thensleep. Preferably naked."

Hermione forced a giggle and walked to the door. "See you when I get home from work." Hermione exited the door and their flat without turning back to Ron.

- - - -

Hermione sat in her office during lunch, feeling to sick to eat. i _Last night was the last time /I ,_ she tried to convince herself. i _Ron will never know and last time was the last time, so there's no need to worry. Or feel guilty. It was just sex. /i _ Hermione felt her stomach roll with guilt and anxiety. She knew, deep in her heart, she really didn't want to ruin her marriage with Ron. She didn't want to hurt Ron ever. She had loved him for years; he was her best friend.

But she had had sex with another man. She had betrayed him.

_ i He doesn't know, and that's the important thing. He doesn't even suspect. /i _Hermione told herself without much conviction.

_ i I say that every time. I say it's the last time every time, but I always go back. /I _Hermione felt tears of confusion and guilt well up in her eyes. "Damn it," she cursed.

- - - -

"Hermione, you seem nervous," the man said from behind her.

Hermione jumped and turned around. She smiled at him softly. A desire warmed her body as she stared at him. i _This is the last time. I have to call it off_, /i she reminded herself. "I'm fine. Just a tough day at work."

He smiled at her and walked over to her. He slid his arms around her waist without her moving away and pulled her towards her. "I'm sure I can make you forget that," he whispered gruffly right before he leaned down and kissed her.

She found herself automatically opening her mouth to allow his tongue entrance and to deepen the kiss immediately. She moaned in the back of her throat and felt guilt join her feeling of desire. She pulled way abruptly to break the kiss and out of his arms.

"Hermione," he said softly, after a brief moment. He reached out to touch her arm and she jerked it away. "What's wrong, dear?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I'm just stressed and tired."

_ i Leave now. Don't break it off. Just leave. Run and never come back, /i _Hermione advised herself. She felt guilt, but she felt an undeniable desire that kept her coming back. His passion, his blind passion, that he has that. His lack of love. His lack of trust. He knew it all, and he still had sex with her. He still touched her when she felt so dirty after the war. He still wanted her. Tears filled her eyes, ready to fall. i _Don't cry. You don't care about him; he's not worthy of your tears. Cry for Ron and what you are doing would do to him. Your husband. Your lover. Your best friend. Ron is the only one that matters. /i _

"Hermione, please, look at me," he requested from behind her. She took a shaky breath and turned back towards him just as a tear fell. He took the two steps needed to close the distance and pulled her into his arms again. She never pulled away when she should. "Don't cry. Tell me what's wrong. But don't cry." She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder, allowing him to give her the comfort she needed.

He leaned down to kiss her neck and Hermione couldn't help but think of the fact Ron had kissed her there that morning. Hermione suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and tried to pull away again. He tightened his hold and whispered, "Hermione, just talk to me. Or better yet kiss me." Hermione pulled away to look up in his eyes. She could always find herself lost in his dark eyes' fathomless depth.

She didn't move when he leaned down to kiss her again. She moved her arms to around the man's neck and felt his hands grab the back of her neck to deep the kiss. The kiss became carnal, as it always did, and every thought Hermione had about leaving flew out of her mind instantly.

- - - -

"Hermione, couldn't you sleep?" Ron asked sleepily as Hermione slid back into bed. Her heart pounded, hoping that Ron didn't smell him on her tonight.

"Were you waiting up?" Hermione asked, trying to be teasing.

Ron yawn and wrapped his arms around her. "No, love. I just can't sleep without you well." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

Hermione smiled at the honesty that laced his tired voice. "Ron?" she whispered, turning to face him.

"Um?" His eyes were closed and he seemed unaware that she was facing him.

"I love you."

He opened his eyes and smiled. "I know." He leaned forward and kissed her lips gently. "I love you, too."

Hermione felt her guilt increase immediately. i _He trusts me. He loves me. How can I do this to him? /i _ Hermione leaned forward and whispered seductively against his lips, "Ron, make love to me."

The request was all that was needed.

- - -

When looked back at her lover she felt sick. "I'm not here for that." She pushed him away from her and put more distance between them by stepping away from him.

"Excuse me?" he asked. He had tried to kiss her, but she hadn't even let it go that far.

"I love my husband."

"That's nice. Now come here," he tried to pull her back in his arms but stepped back again.

"I'm done. I don't need you. I don't even want you. I don't need you to make me feel beautiful, worthy, or wanted. Ron doesn't just want me—Ron loves me. I love my husband."

He smiled at her in a way that made her skin crawl. "If Ron is so great then why have you coming to see me?"

"Because I was sick of myself. And all I wanted was to feel human, to feel beautiful, to feel worthy of being touched. But I couldn't get that from you. I can only find that in Ron's love. Ron. Not you." She opened the door and didn't wait for a reply as she left.

- - - -

Hermione opened the door to their flat, feeling sick with guilt, and found herself facing Ron. He was sitting in the living room chair, watching the door. "Ron, what are you doing up?"

"You left the bed. I couldn't sleep without you. I came looking for you." His voice seemed emotionless and cold. The look in his eyes showed no love, just a dark distrust and confusion. "Where were you?"

"I went for a walk," Hermione said with a shrug. She hoped the way she actually felt didn't show in her eyes.

"Why?"

"I had to get out."

"You feel trapped? In our home? By me?" he whispered, his voice sounded more hurt now than anything.

"No. I didn't want to wake you and I was so restless. I just went for a walk." Hermione felt a rising panic that he wouldn't believe her.

Ron looked at her without speaking. "Just a walk?"

Hermione smiled. "Just a walk."

Ron nodded and stood up. "Come back to bed..."

She looked at him and didn't stop herself when she said, "Wait."

Ron froze and slowly turned back to her. "Hermione…"

She walked towards him and wrapped his arms around his neck. "We haven't made love in any place but our bedroom in awhile. Make love to me," she repeated her request from the night before.

He grinned. "Hermione, when did you like anything outside the bedroom?"

She grinned back at him, and instead of answering, leaned up to kiss him. /lj-cut 

b i Briefly /i describe what you'd like to receive: /b really would like a good betrayal kind of fic.

b What rating would you prefer? /b pg-13 to nc-17

b One to three specifics you want (optional): /b Hermione cheating on Ron and suffering because of it. Can be with almost anyone really but Ron and Hermione end up together in the end. Can be any time frame.

b Deal Breakers (what don't you want?): /b No Draco unless plotted really well. I hate them thrown together without a good reason. Other than that, anything goes.


End file.
